The darkest shade of grey

Keralam.
The Sanskrit interpretation of this name is the land of coconuts.
From the top of my aunts home in this beatiful land, all I can see are lush green coconut trees fringing the lining between the land and the serene Arabian sea. And " as Surya hastens to travel to other cousins in different parts of Prithvi", he leaves a trail of shadows in his wake- some dark, some light, some long and some short.

Every holiday since as far back as my memory goes, I remember coming home to visit my dear old grandmother in our family home in a little place called Tirur in North Kerala. As a little child, there are a tousand things yet to discover in the backyard- the silent river in behind the house was a magical bridge leading to the unknown area of the paddy fields and neighbours who spoke strange tongues.
As a child, in a month, I owned the place. I was the queen of all I surveyed with servants in the form of my brother and sneaky sister.
Standing on the gate watching trucks and blaring jeeps go by, my kingdom streached further than my eyes could see.

Looking back now as I go to the very place I used to rule, I see that the trees have grown shorter, the magical river is a small piece of flowing water and the strange tongues that the neighbours spoke were nothing but Malayalam- a language that I claimed to understand.

This trip back to my "homeland" has made me wonder where home really is? In kerala, I can barely communicate in Malayalam, I dont feel at home in the religion of Christianity of my mother- nor in Hinduism of my father. In Mumbai, my Hindi is broken and in Kerala, Im the next Premchand. In North India, I am a south Indian and and in South India, Im a malayalee from Mumbai.
To the Christians I am a Hindu
To the Hindus, Im half Christian.
Who am I?

I am a die hard romantic.Some of my good friends might even call me high strung. Nothing exists for me in shades of black and white. I seem comfortable only in subjective grey areas of values that are so different in interpretation accross people and cultures.
Maybe what I belong to is merely my own values.I dont fit into any stereotypes. Perhaps, thats just me.
While sorting through the different shades of grey in my own life, I find that the darkest shade of grey is the colour I create through my own imagination.